Week 1 – Lesson 2: The tip of the iceberg

The purpose of this lesson is to recognize which characteristics of the gorilla and the turtle you might have, and which your partner has…


Do: Watch the video


Do: Read ‘Gorilla or Turtle?’ (Reader, page 4) and answer the questions

Take a moment to think back to an unpleasant situation that has recently occurred between the two of you. Which characteristics of the gorilla and the turtle do you recognize? And which characteristics does your partner have?

  • What characteristics of the gorilla and/or the turtle do you recognize…
    • With yourself?
    • With your partner?

What relationship pattern do you think you have?

Based on this unpleasant situation: complete the following sentence:

“The more I …………. (e.g. criticize you), the more you ………….  (e.g. shut down), and then the more I …………. (e.g. insist) and the more you …………. (e.g. withdraw/shut off).

And that’s how we get caught up in our pattern.