Preview ‘The real cause of stress, pain and quarrels in your relationship’

Preview ‘The real cause of stress, pain and quarrels in your relationship’

How good that you found us!

How nice of you to join our free preview! The purpose of this is to get a feel for online relationship help.

Experience why our participants are so positive about this program! (Here’s the link to my website

In almost all videos of our program you can see Anoek and Rik talking to each other.

Rik is an experience expert and he asks the questions that you might want to ask yourself.

We often hear that people like that we explain the difficult subjects in a manageable and understandable way.


Anoek and Rik

Some practical things about this preview

  • You are not committed to anything; the preview stops automatically.
  • You get unlimited access to the preview
  • You can do it alone or with your partner.
  • Watch the videos your way:
  • Click on the ‘CC’ icon for subtitles, turn off the volume if necessary.
  • Click on the ‘⚙’ (cogwheel) to change the speed.

How does the full online program work?

  • The full online program lasts 12 weeks
  • Count on 20 minutes to 1 hour per week that you are working on the program.
  • Do all exercises, even if they feel uncomfortable.
  • You will receive the complete free digital reader with 30+ pages for download.

View of your patterns – Preview lesson 1

This is a lesson from the first week of the full online program.

Do: Watch the video (above)

Purpose of this trial lesson:

  • Realizing that there is a pattern in your relationship playing a negative role.
  • That you will recognize that there is more to it than you can imagine in the interaction between you and your partner.
  • That you know you can learn to break through this together.

The (invisible) pattern takes over

Even though your love for each other may seem less present or more difficult right now, this lesson shows that your love is covered by negative patterns and misunderstandings.

A negative interaction pattern is also referred to as the ‘powerful third in the relationship’. It is difficult to get a grip on it, but luckily it can be learned. The first step is to recognize it.

Once you learn to step out of the pattern, you will soon experience improvement. In the complete online program you will learn how to do this – with respect for each other. In this lesson, you will understand how it plays a role in your relationship.

Click on the button below: ” > Click when you are done with this lesson “

What happens above water – preview lesson 2 (No video)

The purpose of this preview is to recognize which characteristics of the gorilla and the turtle you recognize in yourself.

And which one you recognize in your partner. So what is visible ‘above water’.

If you think now; ‘Huh? Gorilla? Turtle? Above water?! What is that?’ watch the video from the previous lesson again.. 😬

Do: Read ‘Gorilla_en_Turtle.pdf’ (can be found under ‘Downloads’)

The download ‘Gorilla and Tortoise’ can be found on this page. Tablets and smartphones: at the bottom of the page. Desktops: right.

Do: Answer the following questions (and write them down)

Take a moment to think about an unpleasant or awkward situation that happened between you recently.

  • Which characteristics of the gorilla and/or the tortoise do you recognize…
    • with yourself?
    • with your partner?
  • What pattern do you think you are in together?
  • On the basis of the unpleasant situation: complete the following sentence:
  • ‘The more I… (e.g., criticize you) the more you… (e.g., you shut down), and then I go more… (e.g. insist), and you again… (e.g. withdraw, sit in your phone) and that’s how we get caught up in our pattern.’
  • It is enough to write this down. You don’t have to share this with your partner yet.
  • About patterns:
    • It doesn’t matter which pattern you are stuck in together. For now, it is important that you recognize what your pattern is. In the program (in week 7) you will learn how to calculate your pattern.
    • Most people are not just ‘gorilla’ or just ‘tortoise’. Sometimes you have characteristics of both or, for example, you act like a gorilla at work and a turtle at home. It is about recognizing your behavior and observing your interaction.

Personal email coaching

Please note that during the online program you can ask your questions by email to the relationship therapist at any time. You will receive a personal answer within two days.

Below you can see the steps of the full program

Step 1: View your negative patterns

Discover what your (invisible) causes are of stress, pain and quarrels. These lessons provide the first step towards new constructive communication. You will see that your love is covered by a negative pattern and misunderstanding. (Weeks 1 & 2)

Step 2: Understanding your needs

Become aware of your needs in the relationship and the way you give and receive love. This insight ensures that you can clearly indicate to your partner how he or she can help, understand and support you. (Weeks 3 & 4)

Step 3: Dealing with ‘triggers’

In any relationship, partners unintentionally hurt each other. We teach you to recognize this in yourself and in the other person and we teach you how to make real contact, without unintentionally hurting the other person. (Week 5)

Step 4: Acceptance

Discover that in any situation you can feel that you can exert influence, precisely by accepting what you cannot change. (Week 6)

Step 5: Breaking Patterns

Break the negative pattern that undermines your relationship and learn to stay connected through better communication. Dare to be vulnerable and strengthen love and connection! (Weeks 7 & 8)

Step 6: Restore Connection

Experience that giving and taking in your relationship gets a new balance. Lay a firm foundation for further growth of your relationship. (Week 9, 10 & 11)

Step 7: Enjoy and invest

This step will help you rediscover each other together and teach you how to simply have fun with each other and enjoy each other’s attention and intimacy. (Week 12)

Careful construction

The first 6 weeks are aimed at gaining more insight into what is going on inside you. You will learn what your love language is, what your needs are in your relationship, how to deal with emotions and much more.

In the last 6 weeks you will recover and deepen the connection with your partner and you will discover how you can have more pleasant conversations. Relaxation follows and there is room again to enjoy – and with – each other.

We hope to see you soon in the full 12-week online program. More information can be found on our website

Do you have questions or are you in doubt about something?

Don’t hesitate to email us:

We will treat your message confidentially and will be happy to assist you!

Rik and Anoek